Chloe and Araya -

Chloe and Araya -

I am SO glad you girls have stayed put for another week! Every week you can stay in that comfy belly, the healthier and more stable you will be when you are born!

This weekend I was able to get some really cute preemie sized clothing for the two of you when you are in the hospital and when you first come home. I can't believe how TINY they are! You are going to be the two cutest little dolls ever! Daddy and I spent a lot of time preparing for you this weekend too. We were busy getting the diaper bag ready, sterilizing bottles and putting up the vinyl decals your birth mom made for your nursery. I love them, they add her very own touch to your room, it is so special to sit in the rocking chair and see the beautiful message she had made as a constant reminder of the love she not only has for the two of you, but daddy and I as well! There were many moments this weekend that I had to stop and catch my breath. Thinking of the two of you in our home literally takes my breath away. I never knew I could love someone that I have yet to meet so much.

You two are causing your birth mom quite a bit of pain and discomfort. She took your brother Trunk or Treating on Saturday, and apparently the two of you didn't particularly care for all of the vertical time and walking around she did. She was pretty sore yesterday morning from the two of you riding so low. I know you are just trying to stretch out and get some more room, but go easy on her okay? She has your big brother to chase after too!

We are counting down the weeks till we meet you! After tomorrow we only have 5 weeks to go (provided that you stay in there that long) What an amazing Christmas this is going to be girls! Past Christmas' have been painful never having little ones to wake up with (except for your aunt Emily who cannot WAIT for you to be born) and not being able to carry on family traditions (or start our very own) with our children. This year, we will have the best presents we ever could have asked for under our tree...the two of you. I get choked up thinking about spending Christmas with you, oh baby girls what a difference the two of you have made in our lives already. If I cry a lot the first couple of months you are here, don't think I am unstable, it is just because I am crazy in love with you and so in awe that you are actually in our lives - the wait for you has been unbearable at times!

Okay girls, you are in the home stretch. Continue to grow big and strong, but be easy on Eliza okay? I love you so much my little beauties and I count down the days until we can meet face to face.

Love you to the moon and back, always and forever!

Crazy, Amazing weekend

I know this post is super late. This week has just flown by!

We had a simply wonderful weekend with Eliza, her little boy, our friends and family. On Wednesday we went to the cardiologist. Baby A's heart is still not 100%, but is still showing improvement which is wonderful! On Friday we went to the Perinatologist and he had all good things to report as well. Baby A was 3lbs. 1oz. and Baby B was 2lbs. 4ozs.

The girls are still growing, but need to stay in there for at least another 4 weeks!

Saturday Eliza and I got our hair done together and it was really nice to sit and have some quiet, girl time. We listened to music and just hung out. It was so much fun getting to know her better and also being able to establish a bond with her little boy. I wanted to help Eliza with him as much as possible because I know it is hard for her to chase after him and pick him up all the time.

 

Here is our first picture together of the weekend. 

Saturday evening we went to a place called Rock'n R Ranch with my family and had a great time. There were cowboys, lassoing, singing, horses and even a gun fight. I got to introduce Eliza to my mom, aunt and two cousins which was so awesome. I know how much they all love her already, but it was really nice to see that in person! 

Sunday was a BIG day! We had close to 50 people in our house! What an amazing turn out and even some of Eliza's co-workers were able to come down for the shower which was really nice! Eliza did amazing the entire day. I was worried about her, but every time I saw her, she had a smile on her face - that beautiful smile that lights up the room - I really hope the girls get her smile! All of our friends and family were so supportive and all commented on what a wonderful relationship Eliza and I have. We are more like sisters than anything - she is the little sister I never had and I am the big sister she never had :) 

Here is the cake my amazing Sister-in-law made! A beautiful sea turtle with little baby turtles!!!!

We got SO much stuff at our shower! We got lots of diapers, clothes, bottles, our diaper bag, blankets, bathing stuff, rocking chair, car seats and stroller! The list goes on and on. We are still trying to figure out where all of the stuff is going to go! 

My favorite gift of the day came from Eliza herself. She had a vinyl wall expression made for us. There are a few hearts, the twins' names and then a large expression that reads: "From God's Arms, Nurtured Within Me, placed in your hearts forever." Let me tell  you - there was not a dry eye in the entire place after reading that. There just aren't words to describe the beauty of that statement and the honor that I feel that she chose us. 

Here is my favorite photo from Sunday. This is my husband, Eliza and I at the end of the shower with the birds flying overhead at just the right time. 

 

 On Tuesday the girls dropped and are sitting pretty low. Then this morning, they gave us a little scare as well, but they are still staying put, and hope they continue to do so for at least 4 more weeks. After that point, the girls probably won't have to be in NICU and that is what we are shooting for. Going to have to get some preemie clothes I am afraid! 

Emotional, Wonderful week

Oh man this week has been awesome!

Eliza and her little boy drove town Tuesday evening and will be staying with us until Sunday. I am SO enjoying their company! It has been so fun interacting with her little boy and I love that he is warming up to me now. He even let down his guard enough to ALMOST fall asleep while I was holding him yesterday!

Yesterday we went to the cardiologist and although Baby A's heart has improved, it still isn't 100%. There really isn't anything more they can tell us until after the girls are born. It may affect her and then it may not, we just don't know. We go back to the cardiologist on November 13th for another check-up before the girls are born.

Last night Eliza made the most delicious homemade Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo with...wait for it...Homemade noodles!!! It was so fun working in the kitchen with her. I learned how to make this delicious dinner and created a wonderful memory with Eliza. This weekend is going to be full of wonderful memories! I am so excited to start taking lots of pictures with Eliza and her little boy so we can all sit down together some day and show the twins how much love they brought to all of us before they were even born.

I got to feel the girls kicking and moving around in Eliza's belly last night. It was amazing! I am so grateful that Eliza and I have a good enough relationship that we can share these moments together. I will never forget the feeling of the girls under my hand and the overwhelming love I felt in that moment.

The weekend is quickly approaching and when I begin to think about the shower, it all feels so surreal. I almost feel like I am hosting a shower for someone else at my house, it hardly feels real that this shower is for Pace and I.  Such a crazy, amazing feeling!

29 Weeks

We are officially at 29 weeks! Yay!

Eliza had an appointment today with her ob and the girls' heart rates are still great. They didn't do an ultrasound, but there will be plenty of ultrasounds between tomorrow and Friday, so we will get lots of good pictures, measurements etc.

Eliza says she has grown a lot in the last week or two which is good that means the girls are growing too! Depending on what the cardiologist and the Perinatologist say this week, she may be able to try for a vaginal delivery. We will just have to see how the girls are doing and how big they are. Eliza continues to be healthy with good blood pressure - she sure makes carrying twins look easy! She is a champ!

I didn't sleep much last night I am getting so excited for her to come down and for my family to come into town. It seems so surreal that after almost 9 years, I am finally having a baby shower. I have hosted a few, attended many, and cried through most and now it is finally my turn!

I met up with my dear friend Emily and her baby girl that is 7 weeks old last night for FroYo. It was so wonderful so sit there and have her sweet baby girl sleep on my shoulder. I can't wait until I am able to do that with the girls. I can't wait to see Pace cuddled up with the girls sleeping together...OMG...the tears that come to my eyes when I think about that!

Over 8 and a half years, 4 miscarriages and countless tears are all about to be worth it.

Thanks to a brave, courageous young woman who amazes me every day.

Very Busy Weekend!

We had a very busy weekend preparing the house for all of our guests next weekend! To say I am excited is quite the understatement! We have the guest bedroom all set up and nice for Eliza and her little boy so they can be comfortable while they stay with us this week. I am really looking forward to them coming down and being able to spend some more good, quality time with Eliza!

We will have a lot of people in our house on Sunday, I hope that it doesn't get too overwhelming for Eliza. There are going to be a lot of people loving on her! :)

I was doing crafts and projects all weekend, but the nursery is finally done! I would share pictures, but I want it to be a surprise to those of you that are coming for the shower, so you will have to wait to see it in person! :)

Eliza's contractions have subsided and I am SO relieved! I was chatting with a friend of mine who had twin girls last year that were born at 30 weeks and they had to stay in the NICU for 40 days! I can't imagine how hard that must have been and I really hope Chloe and Araya stay put for another month and a half minimum.

I am so relieved that everything is starting to come together and I am just so excited for this week and weekend!

Should have bought ballet shoes...

Well it looks like these girls are going to keep us on our toes from day 1.

Eliza was in the hospital once again yesterday because of contractions. She isn't dilated at all, but they are concerned with the strength and frequency of the contractions. They gave her the first of two steroid shots yesterday to help the girls' lungs mature in the event they decide to come early.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am terrified. I don't want the girls to come so early. I am ready for them to be here, but I know that they need more time. I don't want them to have to stay in the NICU or have residual health problems from being premature. I have a pit in my stomach and at the end of each day I rejoice that they stayed put for one more day.

A week from today my mom will be here and we also have an appointment with the Perinatologist. I am excited to see the girls again and to see how much bigger they have gotten. I am not sure how big they are, but I am thinking they should be close to 3 pounds. A month ago they were close to 2 pounds, so we will see.

The nursery is almost complete! It looks perfect. It has turned out better than I ever could have imagined and I can't wait to show it to everyone next weekend at our first shower. Eliza is coming down next week for the Dr. appointments and will be staying with us. I have a few special things planned for her on Saturday and I am so excited for her to meet our friends and family. It is going to be a very hectic week and weekend so I will have a lot to report after next weekend!

Chloe and Araya,
My little ones, I really need you to stay put. We are so excited to meet you, but you need to keep growing and maturing. We want you to be as healthy as possible and the longer you stay in there, the healthier you will be. I can't wait to see you on ultrasound again next week so I can see your beautiful faces. Hold on tight little ones, and please stay put for at least another month! No earlier okay?

Infertility is a Family Affair

I was messaging back and forth with my mom last night about our upcoming shower and how my two sisters that live out of state are going to be flying out here in December to help us with the twins. I was telling my mom how overwhelmed I am with the amount of help and support we are receiving and she wrote something that made me stop and think.

She said: "We all have been waiting 8 years and with each loss we also felt that loss and disappointment. This is giving us an opportunity to experience your joy and happiness now."

I always knew that my family was sad for Pace and I. I knew that they were sad to see our dreams fail over and over, but what I never took into account was the pain that THEY were feeling. The loss of a grandchild, the loss of a niece or nephew. I feel like an ass that I never saw it before, and it is through this joy that Eliza is bringing into our family that we can finally be joyous together after so many years of disappointment and pain. My entire family is embracing it and it feels amazing!

All those years of feeling alone, feeling like I had nothing in common with my family because they could all have kids so easily. All those conversations about their kids, babies, school while I sat there silent holding back tears because I had nothing to contribute...I was focused on all the things we didn't have in common instead of realizing that they were walking this journey with me. Maybe not in the same shoes, but they were definitely walking with me.

Chloe and Araya,
You girls are being little stinkers! You gave us a little scare this weekend. On Saturday your birth mom started having contractions and was in quite a bit of pain. She went to the hospital and was monitored for about 5 hours. They ended up having to give her medicine to stop the contractions and they did finally stop Sunday morning.

That was SO scary! I know the two of you are amazing little fighters, but you need to stay in there until December okay? You need to keep growing strong and healthy so you don't have to stay in the hospital when you are born. We are so excited to bring you home and start a whole new life with the two of you. Baby girls - you have no idea how much you have already changed my life.

I love you both to the moon and back, but please stay put until you are issued your eviction notice okay?

Feeling overwhelmed with emotion

Today Eliza is 27 weeks along. That means there are only 9 weeks to go until the girls are here. Eliza is applying for jobs here in the valley and wants to move down here so she can have more job opportunities, be closer for doctor appointments and also be closer to us and the girls. She drove down Sunday night and left this morning and I really enjoyed our time with her. I love getting to know her more.

I felt absolutely terrible when she left today because she didn't find a job that really met her needs yet and I saw the defeat on her face as she drove back up to her hometown to work. I know that she will find something here and that it will all work out, I just wish I could take some of the stress and concern from her. I really hope she finds something soon down here so she can move down here. I miss her already and she has only been gone a couple of hours!

I am sitting here at work unable to concentrate. I have been pondering gifts that I want to get for her and every time I think about what she is doing and how she is changing our lives, I catch myself crying. Being a prospective adoptive parent is emotional and I care about Eliza so much that it is hard for me to think of my happiness and joy when it is shadowed in her sacrifice and pain.

All I can do is hope that our open, close relationship and her ability to be a part of the girls' lives will ease some of her pain over time.

Please send her positive thoughts and prayers - we all know they work!