I can't believe the girls are already 2 weeks old. The last 2 weeks have been such a whirlwind I am not even sure where to begin.
The girls have been moved to the Continued Care Nursery part of the NICU so they now have their own rooms with a TV, couch and chair for Pace and I to hang out and spend some time with them. It is MUCH better than where we were, we now have some privacy and a little bit more intimate space with the girls. I really wish they were in the same room so we could all hang out as a family, but as I have grown to learn, that is just one more thing that is out of my control.
The NICU is not an easy place to be in. The staff is wonderful, and they are the reason our girls are doing so well, but at the same time it is very difficult having different nurses almost every shift. Each one has their own rules, own expectations, own rituals and it is hard as new parents to keep up. Some nurses want us to do as much of the girls care as possible, and others prefer that we stay out of the way and hold the girls as minimally as possible. I know the rules are in place for a reason but it is really hard to have someone tell me that I can only hold my daughters for an hour at a time when I have struggled for them for 10 years. I just keep having to tell myself...I have waited 10 years, what is another couple of weeks.
Both girls have just been doing amazing. They are both eating from a bottle, gaining weight, on room air and doing everything that they need to be at this point. Araya is now over the 3 pound mark and Chloe is over the 4 pound mark. The Dr.'s are hoping to take Chloe's PICC line out in the next couple of days which is HUGE!!! I will be so relieved when that yucky thing (and the IV stand) can go away! It will be much easier to bathe and hold the girls.
Pace and I are both continuing to work while the girls are in NICU so that we have all of our vacation time to use when they come home from the hospital. It is looking like Chloe may be coming home before Araya, but you never know, each day is a new day for the girls so we will just have to see how it all plays out.
One day soon the girls will be home with us and I can't wait!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Our beautiful daughters are here!!!
Wow what a difference a week makes!!!
Sunday evening Nikki started having contractions again, so as a precaution we went to the hospital. During the first ultrasound they discovered that Baby B (Araya) had almost no fluid in her amniotic sac. They decided to monitor her through the night and check the fluid in the morning. There was no change in the second (and even third) ultrasound, so the high risk ob made the call to get the girls delivered. 2 hours later Nikki and I were in the OR witnessing our beautiful girls being born.
Chloe Elizabeth Clinger was born at 2:08pm on 11/11/13 weighing 3lbs. 5oz. and Araya Mae Clinger was born at 2:09pm on 11/11/2013 weighing 2lbs. 8oz. They are tiny, but they are mighty!!!
The girls are really doing very well. The both needed help breathing and they are now weaning them off of their C-PAP machines to see how well they tolerate it. They are getting all of their nutrients through an IV right now because their little tummys just aren't mature enough yet for formula. They are both under lights for jaundice and they are monitoring their blood counts as twins with twin to twin transfusion typically have either too much blood or are anemic.
Overall, I am thrilled with the health of the girls. They have a long way to go, a lot of weight and strength to gain, but the fact that they are breathing on their own with very little assistance makes this momma very proud.
We don't know how long they will have to be in the NICU, each baby is different so we are just taking one day and one milestone at a time. Araya has been great with her sucking reflexes and little Chloe started practicing her suck reflexes today! That is a huge thing developmentally as that is very important when they actually start feeding from a bottle.
Nikki is doing very well. I know the c-section was not her ideal birth plan, but she did it because she knew it was best for the girls. She is healing well and has been able to hold both of our daughters while she has been in the hospital. I am glad that I have some great pictures of her holding each of them so I can show them to the girls when they get a little older and will be able to physically show them how much their Mama Kiki loves them and cared for them during their stay in NICU.
Time is a little limited right now, but I will do my best to update the blog with the girls achievements and photos too!
Sunday evening Nikki started having contractions again, so as a precaution we went to the hospital. During the first ultrasound they discovered that Baby B (Araya) had almost no fluid in her amniotic sac. They decided to monitor her through the night and check the fluid in the morning. There was no change in the second (and even third) ultrasound, so the high risk ob made the call to get the girls delivered. 2 hours later Nikki and I were in the OR witnessing our beautiful girls being born.
Chloe Elizabeth Clinger was born at 2:08pm on 11/11/13 weighing 3lbs. 5oz. and Araya Mae Clinger was born at 2:09pm on 11/11/2013 weighing 2lbs. 8oz. They are tiny, but they are mighty!!!
The girls are really doing very well. The both needed help breathing and they are now weaning them off of their C-PAP machines to see how well they tolerate it. They are getting all of their nutrients through an IV right now because their little tummys just aren't mature enough yet for formula. They are both under lights for jaundice and they are monitoring their blood counts as twins with twin to twin transfusion typically have either too much blood or are anemic.
Overall, I am thrilled with the health of the girls. They have a long way to go, a lot of weight and strength to gain, but the fact that they are breathing on their own with very little assistance makes this momma very proud.
We don't know how long they will have to be in the NICU, each baby is different so we are just taking one day and one milestone at a time. Araya has been great with her sucking reflexes and little Chloe started practicing her suck reflexes today! That is a huge thing developmentally as that is very important when they actually start feeding from a bottle.
Nikki is doing very well. I know the c-section was not her ideal birth plan, but she did it because she knew it was best for the girls. She is healing well and has been able to hold both of our daughters while she has been in the hospital. I am glad that I have some great pictures of her holding each of them so I can show them to the girls when they get a little older and will be able to physically show them how much their Mama Kiki loves them and cared for them during their stay in NICU.
Time is a little limited right now, but I will do my best to update the blog with the girls achievements and photos too!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
32 weeks...we made it!!!!
What a whirlwind of a week!
Nikki and the girls stabilized last week, contractions stopped and the fluid levels on the girls leveled out so the Perinatologist agreed to release Nikki with the condition that she stay on bed rest at our house. I am so grateful that the girls have made it to 32 weeks and right now we are just trying to get another 2 weeks of them cooking in there.
This has been extremely hard on Nikki, she has had to be away from her son for a week now and I know she misses him deeply. We are making arrangements to get him down here, but I know she will be relieved when the girls are here and she can be with her son and back in her own home. I enjoy having her down here and I know I have said it before, but I hope the girls get her smile. Her smile and laugh brighten up my day. Her eyes sparkle and you know that it is a genuine, authentic smile and laugh.
Nikki's care is being transferred to a Dr. closer to our house however her current Peri will continue to work with the new Dr. and they will make decisions together. We have our first appointment with the new Dr. today, I hope they are as loving, compassionate and knowledgeable as her current Dr.
This is all starting to become very real. Nikki and I sat in the nursery together yesterday sorting through clothes, taking tags off and figuring out which clothes we need to wash vs. store. It is still very hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that in 2 weeks, I will be a mommy. After fighting so long, and struggling for so long it is just hard to imagine. I wonder how long it will take my head and my heart to realize that I am not babysitting, that the girls are actually staying with us in our home forever. :)
Pace and I have already been completely overwhelmed by all of the love and support we have received from our friends and family. We have people taking care of our dog, bringing us food, handling work responsibilities, offers to help with Nikki's son...we are so lucky to have some of the best friends and family on the planet!!!
Nikki and the girls stabilized last week, contractions stopped and the fluid levels on the girls leveled out so the Perinatologist agreed to release Nikki with the condition that she stay on bed rest at our house. I am so grateful that the girls have made it to 32 weeks and right now we are just trying to get another 2 weeks of them cooking in there.
This has been extremely hard on Nikki, she has had to be away from her son for a week now and I know she misses him deeply. We are making arrangements to get him down here, but I know she will be relieved when the girls are here and she can be with her son and back in her own home. I enjoy having her down here and I know I have said it before, but I hope the girls get her smile. Her smile and laugh brighten up my day. Her eyes sparkle and you know that it is a genuine, authentic smile and laugh.
Nikki's care is being transferred to a Dr. closer to our house however her current Peri will continue to work with the new Dr. and they will make decisions together. We have our first appointment with the new Dr. today, I hope they are as loving, compassionate and knowledgeable as her current Dr.
This is all starting to become very real. Nikki and I sat in the nursery together yesterday sorting through clothes, taking tags off and figuring out which clothes we need to wash vs. store. It is still very hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that in 2 weeks, I will be a mommy. After fighting so long, and struggling for so long it is just hard to imagine. I wonder how long it will take my head and my heart to realize that I am not babysitting, that the girls are actually staying with us in our home forever. :)
Pace and I have already been completely overwhelmed by all of the love and support we have received from our friends and family. We have people taking care of our dog, bringing us food, handling work responsibilities, offers to help with Nikki's son...we are so lucky to have some of the best friends and family on the planet!!!
Friday, November 1, 2013
Post written 10/31/2013
I am writing this post sitting in a dark hospital room with
Nikki (Previously on this blog I called her Eliza, but with everything we have
been through together the last couple of days, it just feels right using her
real name).
Nikki went into preterm labor Tuesday night, they air lifted
her from Show Low to Arrowhead hospital in Glendale. As of right now the twins
are stable and Nikki is resting beside me and for that I am extremely grateful.
Nikki has been such a trooper – she has been a warrior for these girls. This
has not been an easy pregnancy for her, but she continues to fight on to do
what is best for the twins.
Right now as long as the girls are doing well inside, they
want to keep them in as long as possible. If she show any decelerations or
complications, then the girls will be delivered. We saw the Perinatologist
yesterday and thus far he has been the BEST doctor we have seen. He is
compassionate, he is caring, honest and thorough. He discovered yesterday that
the girls have what is called twin to twin transfusion. Basically Baby B is
giving most of her blood, nutrients and fluid to Baby A. This obviously causes
issues with Baby B, but it also causes major complications with Baby A.
Yesterday Nikki opted to have a procedure done that was not
an easy one. They did an amniotic reduction which is where they remove fluid
from the amniotic sac of Baby A to hopefully relieve the pressure of the excess
fluid and help stimulate Baby B to start making her own fluid again. This procedure
was done by sticking a needle in Nikki’s belly button down through her uterus
and into the amniotic sac. Not an easy procedure and with the risks associated,
it was not an easy decision for her to make. Her strength and bravery continue
to amaze and inspire me. The love and
gratitude I have for her as a young woman standing here with me fighting for
the lives of our daughters is overwhelming.
We really hope that the girls will stay put for another 3
weeks, but right now we are just taking it hour by hour. If they are born right
now, their survival rate is near 95%, but their NICU stay will likely be long.
We just want the girls to be healthy and have no long term issues due to their
prematurity.
As if this wasn’t enough for one week, this morning I took
our dog, Lucky Boy to the vet and sent him over the rainbow bridge. The day
after our baby shower, he got sick and he has just gotten sicker. We have had
tests run and determined that he had some sort of cancer. He was refusing to
eat, was lethargic and overall just not feeling well at all. We started him on
steroids Tuesday and he perked up and started eating again, so I thought maybe
he would at least pull through and feel good for a couple more weeks. However
he stopped eating again yesterday and I woke up to him multiple times in the
night and he was just trembling. It was obvious to me that he was in pain and I
was not going to make him suffer anymore.
He went peacefully, I got a clay paw print from the vet and
we are having him cremated and his ashes returned. I am so sad that the girls
are not going to know the dog that has been there for us and who was our “first
baby”. I feel in my heart of hearts that this was bothering Lucky for a while
but he wouldn’t let us see it until after the baby shower he knew we were going
to be okay. That the girls were coming and he didn’t have to be there for us to
hold onto anymore.
I haven’t cried this much in years. My head hurts, my heart
is broken, I am scared and I am exhausted.
Prayers for our family would be greatly appreciated.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Chloe and Araya -
Chloe and Araya -
I am SO glad you girls have stayed put for another week! Every week you can stay in that comfy belly, the healthier and more stable you will be when you are born!
This weekend I was able to get some really cute preemie sized clothing for the two of you when you are in the hospital and when you first come home. I can't believe how TINY they are! You are going to be the two cutest little dolls ever! Daddy and I spent a lot of time preparing for you this weekend too. We were busy getting the diaper bag ready, sterilizing bottles and putting up the vinyl decals your birth mom made for your nursery. I love them, they add her very own touch to your room, it is so special to sit in the rocking chair and see the beautiful message she had made as a constant reminder of the love she not only has for the two of you, but daddy and I as well! There were many moments this weekend that I had to stop and catch my breath. Thinking of the two of you in our home literally takes my breath away. I never knew I could love someone that I have yet to meet so much.
You two are causing your birth mom quite a bit of pain and discomfort. She took your brother Trunk or Treating on Saturday, and apparently the two of you didn't particularly care for all of the vertical time and walking around she did. She was pretty sore yesterday morning from the two of you riding so low. I know you are just trying to stretch out and get some more room, but go easy on her okay? She has your big brother to chase after too!
We are counting down the weeks till we meet you! After tomorrow we only have 5 weeks to go (provided that you stay in there that long) What an amazing Christmas this is going to be girls! Past Christmas' have been painful never having little ones to wake up with (except for your aunt Emily who cannot WAIT for you to be born) and not being able to carry on family traditions (or start our very own) with our children. This year, we will have the best presents we ever could have asked for under our tree...the two of you. I get choked up thinking about spending Christmas with you, oh baby girls what a difference the two of you have made in our lives already. If I cry a lot the first couple of months you are here, don't think I am unstable, it is just because I am crazy in love with you and so in awe that you are actually in our lives - the wait for you has been unbearable at times!
Okay girls, you are in the home stretch. Continue to grow big and strong, but be easy on Eliza okay? I love you so much my little beauties and I count down the days until we can meet face to face.
Love you to the moon and back, always and forever!
I am SO glad you girls have stayed put for another week! Every week you can stay in that comfy belly, the healthier and more stable you will be when you are born!
This weekend I was able to get some really cute preemie sized clothing for the two of you when you are in the hospital and when you first come home. I can't believe how TINY they are! You are going to be the two cutest little dolls ever! Daddy and I spent a lot of time preparing for you this weekend too. We were busy getting the diaper bag ready, sterilizing bottles and putting up the vinyl decals your birth mom made for your nursery. I love them, they add her very own touch to your room, it is so special to sit in the rocking chair and see the beautiful message she had made as a constant reminder of the love she not only has for the two of you, but daddy and I as well! There were many moments this weekend that I had to stop and catch my breath. Thinking of the two of you in our home literally takes my breath away. I never knew I could love someone that I have yet to meet so much.
You two are causing your birth mom quite a bit of pain and discomfort. She took your brother Trunk or Treating on Saturday, and apparently the two of you didn't particularly care for all of the vertical time and walking around she did. She was pretty sore yesterday morning from the two of you riding so low. I know you are just trying to stretch out and get some more room, but go easy on her okay? She has your big brother to chase after too!
We are counting down the weeks till we meet you! After tomorrow we only have 5 weeks to go (provided that you stay in there that long) What an amazing Christmas this is going to be girls! Past Christmas' have been painful never having little ones to wake up with (except for your aunt Emily who cannot WAIT for you to be born) and not being able to carry on family traditions (or start our very own) with our children. This year, we will have the best presents we ever could have asked for under our tree...the two of you. I get choked up thinking about spending Christmas with you, oh baby girls what a difference the two of you have made in our lives already. If I cry a lot the first couple of months you are here, don't think I am unstable, it is just because I am crazy in love with you and so in awe that you are actually in our lives - the wait for you has been unbearable at times!
Okay girls, you are in the home stretch. Continue to grow big and strong, but be easy on Eliza okay? I love you so much my little beauties and I count down the days until we can meet face to face.
Love you to the moon and back, always and forever!
Friday, October 25, 2013
Crazy, Amazing weekend
I know this post is super late. This week has just flown by!
We had a simply wonderful weekend with Eliza, her little boy, our friends and family. On Wednesday we went to the cardiologist. Baby A's heart is still not 100%, but is still showing improvement which is wonderful! On Friday we went to the Perinatologist and he had all good things to report as well. Baby A was 3lbs. 1oz. and Baby B was 2lbs. 4ozs.
The girls are still growing, but need to stay in there for at least another 4 weeks!
Saturday Eliza and I got our hair done together and it was really nice to sit and have some quiet, girl time. We listened to music and just hung out. It was so much fun getting to know her better and also being able to establish a bond with her little boy. I wanted to help Eliza with him as much as possible because I know it is hard for her to chase after him and pick him up all the time.
Here is our first picture together of the weekend.
Saturday evening we went to a place called Rock'n R Ranch with my family and had a great time. There were cowboys, lassoing, singing, horses and even a gun fight. I got to introduce Eliza to my mom, aunt and two cousins which was so awesome. I know how much they all love her already, but it was really nice to see that in person!
Sunday was a BIG day! We had close to 50 people in our house! What an amazing turn out and even some of Eliza's co-workers were able to come down for the shower which was really nice! Eliza did amazing the entire day. I was worried about her, but every time I saw her, she had a smile on her face - that beautiful smile that lights up the room - I really hope the girls get her smile! All of our friends and family were so supportive and all commented on what a wonderful relationship Eliza and I have. We are more like sisters than anything - she is the little sister I never had and I am the big sister she never had :)
Here is the cake my amazing Sister-in-law made! A beautiful sea turtle with little baby turtles!!!!
We got SO much stuff at our shower! We got lots of diapers, clothes, bottles, our diaper bag, blankets, bathing stuff, rocking chair, car seats and stroller! The list goes on and on. We are still trying to figure out where all of the stuff is going to go!
My favorite gift of the day came from Eliza herself. She had a vinyl wall expression made for us. There are a few hearts, the twins' names and then a large expression that reads: "From God's Arms, Nurtured Within Me, placed in your hearts forever." Let me tell you - there was not a dry eye in the entire place after reading that. There just aren't words to describe the beauty of that statement and the honor that I feel that she chose us.
Here is my favorite photo from Sunday. This is my husband, Eliza and I at the end of the shower with the birds flying overhead at just the right time.
On Tuesday the girls dropped and are sitting pretty low. Then this morning, they gave us a little scare as well, but they are still staying put, and hope they continue to do so for at least 4 more weeks. After that point, the girls probably won't have to be in NICU and that is what we are shooting for. Going to have to get some preemie clothes I am afraid!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Emotional, Wonderful week
Oh man this week has been awesome!
Eliza and her little boy drove town Tuesday evening and will be staying with us until Sunday. I am SO enjoying their company! It has been so fun interacting with her little boy and I love that he is warming up to me now. He even let down his guard enough to ALMOST fall asleep while I was holding him yesterday!
Yesterday we went to the cardiologist and although Baby A's heart has improved, it still isn't 100%. There really isn't anything more they can tell us until after the girls are born. It may affect her and then it may not, we just don't know. We go back to the cardiologist on November 13th for another check-up before the girls are born.
Last night Eliza made the most delicious homemade Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo with...wait for it...Homemade noodles!!! It was so fun working in the kitchen with her. I learned how to make this delicious dinner and created a wonderful memory with Eliza. This weekend is going to be full of wonderful memories! I am so excited to start taking lots of pictures with Eliza and her little boy so we can all sit down together some day and show the twins how much love they brought to all of us before they were even born.
I got to feel the girls kicking and moving around in Eliza's belly last night. It was amazing! I am so grateful that Eliza and I have a good enough relationship that we can share these moments together. I will never forget the feeling of the girls under my hand and the overwhelming love I felt in that moment.
The weekend is quickly approaching and when I begin to think about the shower, it all feels so surreal. I almost feel like I am hosting a shower for someone else at my house, it hardly feels real that this shower is for Pace and I. Such a crazy, amazing feeling!
Eliza and her little boy drove town Tuesday evening and will be staying with us until Sunday. I am SO enjoying their company! It has been so fun interacting with her little boy and I love that he is warming up to me now. He even let down his guard enough to ALMOST fall asleep while I was holding him yesterday!
Yesterday we went to the cardiologist and although Baby A's heart has improved, it still isn't 100%. There really isn't anything more they can tell us until after the girls are born. It may affect her and then it may not, we just don't know. We go back to the cardiologist on November 13th for another check-up before the girls are born.
Last night Eliza made the most delicious homemade Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo with...wait for it...Homemade noodles!!! It was so fun working in the kitchen with her. I learned how to make this delicious dinner and created a wonderful memory with Eliza. This weekend is going to be full of wonderful memories! I am so excited to start taking lots of pictures with Eliza and her little boy so we can all sit down together some day and show the twins how much love they brought to all of us before they were even born.
I got to feel the girls kicking and moving around in Eliza's belly last night. It was amazing! I am so grateful that Eliza and I have a good enough relationship that we can share these moments together. I will never forget the feeling of the girls under my hand and the overwhelming love I felt in that moment.
The weekend is quickly approaching and when I begin to think about the shower, it all feels so surreal. I almost feel like I am hosting a shower for someone else at my house, it hardly feels real that this shower is for Pace and I. Such a crazy, amazing feeling!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
29 Weeks
We are officially at 29 weeks! Yay!
Eliza had an appointment today with her ob and the girls' heart rates are still great. They didn't do an ultrasound, but there will be plenty of ultrasounds between tomorrow and Friday, so we will get lots of good pictures, measurements etc.
Eliza says she has grown a lot in the last week or two which is good that means the girls are growing too! Depending on what the cardiologist and the Perinatologist say this week, she may be able to try for a vaginal delivery. We will just have to see how the girls are doing and how big they are. Eliza continues to be healthy with good blood pressure - she sure makes carrying twins look easy! She is a champ!
I didn't sleep much last night I am getting so excited for her to come down and for my family to come into town. It seems so surreal that after almost 9 years, I am finally having a baby shower. I have hosted a few, attended many, and cried through most and now it is finally my turn!
I met up with my dear friend Emily and her baby girl that is 7 weeks old last night for FroYo. It was so wonderful so sit there and have her sweet baby girl sleep on my shoulder. I can't wait until I am able to do that with the girls. I can't wait to see Pace cuddled up with the girls sleeping together...OMG...the tears that come to my eyes when I think about that!
Over 8 and a half years, 4 miscarriages and countless tears are all about to be worth it.
Thanks to a brave, courageous young woman who amazes me every day.
Eliza had an appointment today with her ob and the girls' heart rates are still great. They didn't do an ultrasound, but there will be plenty of ultrasounds between tomorrow and Friday, so we will get lots of good pictures, measurements etc.
Eliza says she has grown a lot in the last week or two which is good that means the girls are growing too! Depending on what the cardiologist and the Perinatologist say this week, she may be able to try for a vaginal delivery. We will just have to see how the girls are doing and how big they are. Eliza continues to be healthy with good blood pressure - she sure makes carrying twins look easy! She is a champ!
I didn't sleep much last night I am getting so excited for her to come down and for my family to come into town. It seems so surreal that after almost 9 years, I am finally having a baby shower. I have hosted a few, attended many, and cried through most and now it is finally my turn!
I met up with my dear friend Emily and her baby girl that is 7 weeks old last night for FroYo. It was so wonderful so sit there and have her sweet baby girl sleep on my shoulder. I can't wait until I am able to do that with the girls. I can't wait to see Pace cuddled up with the girls sleeping together...OMG...the tears that come to my eyes when I think about that!
Over 8 and a half years, 4 miscarriages and countless tears are all about to be worth it.
Thanks to a brave, courageous young woman who amazes me every day.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Very Busy Weekend!
We had a very busy weekend preparing the house for all of our guests next weekend! To say I am excited is quite the understatement! We have the guest bedroom all set up and nice for Eliza and her little boy so they can be comfortable while they stay with us this week. I am really looking forward to them coming down and being able to spend some more good, quality time with Eliza!
We will have a lot of people in our house on Sunday, I hope that it doesn't get too overwhelming for Eliza. There are going to be a lot of people loving on her! :)
I was doing crafts and projects all weekend, but the nursery is finally done! I would share pictures, but I want it to be a surprise to those of you that are coming for the shower, so you will have to wait to see it in person! :)
Eliza's contractions have subsided and I am SO relieved! I was chatting with a friend of mine who had twin girls last year that were born at 30 weeks and they had to stay in the NICU for 40 days! I can't imagine how hard that must have been and I really hope Chloe and Araya stay put for another month and a half minimum.
I am so relieved that everything is starting to come together and I am just so excited for this week and weekend!
We will have a lot of people in our house on Sunday, I hope that it doesn't get too overwhelming for Eliza. There are going to be a lot of people loving on her! :)
I was doing crafts and projects all weekend, but the nursery is finally done! I would share pictures, but I want it to be a surprise to those of you that are coming for the shower, so you will have to wait to see it in person! :)
Eliza's contractions have subsided and I am SO relieved! I was chatting with a friend of mine who had twin girls last year that were born at 30 weeks and they had to stay in the NICU for 40 days! I can't imagine how hard that must have been and I really hope Chloe and Araya stay put for another month and a half minimum.
I am so relieved that everything is starting to come together and I am just so excited for this week and weekend!
Friday, October 11, 2013
Should have bought ballet shoes...
Well it looks like these girls are going to keep us on our toes from day 1.
Eliza was in the hospital once again yesterday because of contractions. She isn't dilated at all, but they are concerned with the strength and frequency of the contractions. They gave her the first of two steroid shots yesterday to help the girls' lungs mature in the event they decide to come early.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am terrified. I don't want the girls to come so early. I am ready for them to be here, but I know that they need more time. I don't want them to have to stay in the NICU or have residual health problems from being premature. I have a pit in my stomach and at the end of each day I rejoice that they stayed put for one more day.
A week from today my mom will be here and we also have an appointment with the Perinatologist. I am excited to see the girls again and to see how much bigger they have gotten. I am not sure how big they are, but I am thinking they should be close to 3 pounds. A month ago they were close to 2 pounds, so we will see.
The nursery is almost complete! It looks perfect. It has turned out better than I ever could have imagined and I can't wait to show it to everyone next weekend at our first shower. Eliza is coming down next week for the Dr. appointments and will be staying with us. I have a few special things planned for her on Saturday and I am so excited for her to meet our friends and family. It is going to be a very hectic week and weekend so I will have a lot to report after next weekend!
Chloe and Araya,
My little ones, I really need you to stay put. We are so excited to meet you, but you need to keep growing and maturing. We want you to be as healthy as possible and the longer you stay in there, the healthier you will be. I can't wait to see you on ultrasound again next week so I can see your beautiful faces. Hold on tight little ones, and please stay put for at least another month! No earlier okay?
Eliza was in the hospital once again yesterday because of contractions. She isn't dilated at all, but they are concerned with the strength and frequency of the contractions. They gave her the first of two steroid shots yesterday to help the girls' lungs mature in the event they decide to come early.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am terrified. I don't want the girls to come so early. I am ready for them to be here, but I know that they need more time. I don't want them to have to stay in the NICU or have residual health problems from being premature. I have a pit in my stomach and at the end of each day I rejoice that they stayed put for one more day.
A week from today my mom will be here and we also have an appointment with the Perinatologist. I am excited to see the girls again and to see how much bigger they have gotten. I am not sure how big they are, but I am thinking they should be close to 3 pounds. A month ago they were close to 2 pounds, so we will see.
The nursery is almost complete! It looks perfect. It has turned out better than I ever could have imagined and I can't wait to show it to everyone next weekend at our first shower. Eliza is coming down next week for the Dr. appointments and will be staying with us. I have a few special things planned for her on Saturday and I am so excited for her to meet our friends and family. It is going to be a very hectic week and weekend so I will have a lot to report after next weekend!
Chloe and Araya,
My little ones, I really need you to stay put. We are so excited to meet you, but you need to keep growing and maturing. We want you to be as healthy as possible and the longer you stay in there, the healthier you will be. I can't wait to see you on ultrasound again next week so I can see your beautiful faces. Hold on tight little ones, and please stay put for at least another month! No earlier okay?
Monday, October 7, 2013
Infertility is a Family Affair
I was messaging back and forth with my mom last night about our upcoming shower and how my two sisters that live out of state are going to be flying out here in December to help us with the twins. I was telling my mom how overwhelmed I am with the amount of help and support we are receiving and she wrote something that made me stop and think.
She said: "We all have been waiting 8 years and with each loss we also felt that loss and disappointment. This is giving us an opportunity to experience your joy and happiness now."
I always knew that my family was sad for Pace and I. I knew that they were sad to see our dreams fail over and over, but what I never took into account was the pain that THEY were feeling. The loss of a grandchild, the loss of a niece or nephew. I feel like an ass that I never saw it before, and it is through this joy that Eliza is bringing into our family that we can finally be joyous together after so many years of disappointment and pain. My entire family is embracing it and it feels amazing!
All those years of feeling alone, feeling like I had nothing in common with my family because they could all have kids so easily. All those conversations about their kids, babies, school while I sat there silent holding back tears because I had nothing to contribute...I was focused on all the things we didn't have in common instead of realizing that they were walking this journey with me. Maybe not in the same shoes, but they were definitely walking with me.
Chloe and Araya,
You girls are being little stinkers! You gave us a little scare this weekend. On Saturday your birth mom started having contractions and was in quite a bit of pain. She went to the hospital and was monitored for about 5 hours. They ended up having to give her medicine to stop the contractions and they did finally stop Sunday morning.
That was SO scary! I know the two of you are amazing little fighters, but you need to stay in there until December okay? You need to keep growing strong and healthy so you don't have to stay in the hospital when you are born. We are so excited to bring you home and start a whole new life with the two of you. Baby girls - you have no idea how much you have already changed my life.
I love you both to the moon and back, but please stay put until you are issued your eviction notice okay?
She said: "We all have been waiting 8 years and with each loss we also felt that loss and disappointment. This is giving us an opportunity to experience your joy and happiness now."
I always knew that my family was sad for Pace and I. I knew that they were sad to see our dreams fail over and over, but what I never took into account was the pain that THEY were feeling. The loss of a grandchild, the loss of a niece or nephew. I feel like an ass that I never saw it before, and it is through this joy that Eliza is bringing into our family that we can finally be joyous together after so many years of disappointment and pain. My entire family is embracing it and it feels amazing!
All those years of feeling alone, feeling like I had nothing in common with my family because they could all have kids so easily. All those conversations about their kids, babies, school while I sat there silent holding back tears because I had nothing to contribute...I was focused on all the things we didn't have in common instead of realizing that they were walking this journey with me. Maybe not in the same shoes, but they were definitely walking with me.
Chloe and Araya,
You girls are being little stinkers! You gave us a little scare this weekend. On Saturday your birth mom started having contractions and was in quite a bit of pain. She went to the hospital and was monitored for about 5 hours. They ended up having to give her medicine to stop the contractions and they did finally stop Sunday morning.
That was SO scary! I know the two of you are amazing little fighters, but you need to stay in there until December okay? You need to keep growing strong and healthy so you don't have to stay in the hospital when you are born. We are so excited to bring you home and start a whole new life with the two of you. Baby girls - you have no idea how much you have already changed my life.
I love you both to the moon and back, but please stay put until you are issued your eviction notice okay?
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Feeling overwhelmed with emotion
Today Eliza is 27 weeks along. That means there are only 9 weeks to go until the girls are here. Eliza is applying for jobs here in the valley and wants to move down here so she can have more job opportunities, be closer for doctor appointments and also be closer to us and the girls. She drove down Sunday night and left this morning and I really enjoyed our time with her. I love getting to know her more.
I felt absolutely terrible when she left today because she didn't find a job that really met her needs yet and I saw the defeat on her face as she drove back up to her hometown to work. I know that she will find something here and that it will all work out, I just wish I could take some of the stress and concern from her. I really hope she finds something soon down here so she can move down here. I miss her already and she has only been gone a couple of hours!
I am sitting here at work unable to concentrate. I have been pondering gifts that I want to get for her and every time I think about what she is doing and how she is changing our lives, I catch myself crying. Being a prospective adoptive parent is emotional and I care about Eliza so much that it is hard for me to think of my happiness and joy when it is shadowed in her sacrifice and pain.
All I can do is hope that our open, close relationship and her ability to be a part of the girls' lives will ease some of her pain over time.
Please send her positive thoughts and prayers - we all know they work!
I felt absolutely terrible when she left today because she didn't find a job that really met her needs yet and I saw the defeat on her face as she drove back up to her hometown to work. I know that she will find something here and that it will all work out, I just wish I could take some of the stress and concern from her. I really hope she finds something soon down here so she can move down here. I miss her already and she has only been gone a couple of hours!
I am sitting here at work unable to concentrate. I have been pondering gifts that I want to get for her and every time I think about what she is doing and how she is changing our lives, I catch myself crying. Being a prospective adoptive parent is emotional and I care about Eliza so much that it is hard for me to think of my happiness and joy when it is shadowed in her sacrifice and pain.
All I can do is hope that our open, close relationship and her ability to be a part of the girls' lives will ease some of her pain over time.
Please send her positive thoughts and prayers - we all know they work!
Monday, September 30, 2013
Single digit countdown
Just as I thought it would, time is flying...and dragging at the same time if that makes any sense at all. As of tomorrow we will be in single digit weeks until the girls are born. 9 more weeks!!!!! Oh my gosh I can't even explain how excited I am and how in love I am with these two little girls.
We have been very busy trying to get the house put together, but right now, it is a little stressful looking at the condition of the house right now. Especially for poor Pace. I know that if I am starting to get irritated with the clutter and the mess, he has to be crawling out of his skin! I know it will all come together again, the new carpet in the living room goes in on Wednesday so we will at least be able to put our living room furniture back. I am going to try to finish up my sewing projects this weekend so I can put my sewing mess away as well LOL.
I finally finished the first crib skirt and although it is a little shorter than I imagined, it will look super cute when the girls are a little bigger and the mattress can be lowered.
The baby shower invites have all been sent out and this is all getting so much more real! I get a lump in my throat thinking about it, but my aunt, my cousin and my mother are all coming out here for our shower. I am so beyond excited for Eliza to be able to meet my family and I know that there are going to be lots and lots of tears. Tears of love, joy and gratitude. It is going to be such a beautiful day surrounded by beautiful people!
I hope that Eliza feels at home and part of the family. We have a very large family and network of friends - I hope it isn't too overwhelming for her!
This last weekend Pace and I went to see his best childhood friend in California. What a wonderful trip it was! Kind of a last little hurrah before the girls get here - we have one more trip planned at the end of Oct, and then that will be it until the girls are born. Yesterday morning Pace and I were sitting at the beach talking and discussing our future and how our lives are about to completely change. Our next trip to the beach will be with little girls in tow, playing in the sand, and splashing around. Oh how I can't wait!
I truly don't think we will realize how empty our hearts are until the girls are here and our hearts are overflowing full.
We have been very busy trying to get the house put together, but right now, it is a little stressful looking at the condition of the house right now. Especially for poor Pace. I know that if I am starting to get irritated with the clutter and the mess, he has to be crawling out of his skin! I know it will all come together again, the new carpet in the living room goes in on Wednesday so we will at least be able to put our living room furniture back. I am going to try to finish up my sewing projects this weekend so I can put my sewing mess away as well LOL.
I finally finished the first crib skirt and although it is a little shorter than I imagined, it will look super cute when the girls are a little bigger and the mattress can be lowered.
The baby shower invites have all been sent out and this is all getting so much more real! I get a lump in my throat thinking about it, but my aunt, my cousin and my mother are all coming out here for our shower. I am so beyond excited for Eliza to be able to meet my family and I know that there are going to be lots and lots of tears. Tears of love, joy and gratitude. It is going to be such a beautiful day surrounded by beautiful people!
I hope that Eliza feels at home and part of the family. We have a very large family and network of friends - I hope it isn't too overwhelming for her!
This last weekend Pace and I went to see his best childhood friend in California. What a wonderful trip it was! Kind of a last little hurrah before the girls get here - we have one more trip planned at the end of Oct, and then that will be it until the girls are born. Yesterday morning Pace and I were sitting at the beach talking and discussing our future and how our lives are about to completely change. Our next trip to the beach will be with little girls in tow, playing in the sand, and splashing around. Oh how I can't wait!
I truly don't think we will realize how empty our hearts are until the girls are here and our hearts are overflowing full.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Nursery Progress
This weekend was a very busy weekend in the Clinger household! We got many of the things done in the nursery that we wanted to accomplish and it felt great to be able to use my creativity after such a stressful week!
As promised here are pictures of what we have accomplished thus far.
As promised here are pictures of what we have accomplished thus far.
Here is the dresser that we purchased and refinished. The animals are directly from the main fabric in the nursery. Pace and I free-handed stencils on cardboard and used them to stencil the animals on the dresser. I absolutely LOVE how it turned out and I hope the girls do too! Also to the left, you can see the changing station that Pace built out of the closet and the leg that we hand painted to match :)
Here is a picture of the girls' closet so far. I love how the colors pop :)
Here is a picture of the beginning of one of the crib skirts I am sewing. I am no seamstress, and was kind of worried about all of the ruffling, but it actually has turned out to be pretty easy. In this photo you can see the main fabric is the bottom ruffle on the skirt and I think I have enough to make a curtain valance out of it too!
Our first set of baby shower invitations went out via email yesterday and I am getting so excited to celebrate the girls with all of our closest friends and family. I am also really excited for our friends and family to meet Eliza and her little boy and for her to see how many people she is affecting by the selfless decision she is making. I can't wait for her to feel the outpouring of love from all of our friends and family!
Less than one month to go before our first shower! Holy crap...after 8 and a half years we are finally having a baby shower!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Nesting...it's a real thing!
Well girls, our house is quite a mess right now! Your daddy is feeling a little stressed preparing the house for your arrival :) We have a lot to do, but little by little, we are making progress.
On Sunday we made a last minute decision to rip out the carpet in our living room. It was installed 6 years ago, and although it was nice carpet when it was installed, it was stained and just looked yucky so out it went! We are now shopping for a nice, soft carpet that we can roll around on with the two of you. :)
Your daddy has also been busy with drywall repairs, building furniture for your nursery, painting and more. I have kept busy painting, figuring out the patterns I want to use for your baby bedding and just trying to put your nursery together in my mind.
I ordered your crib mattresses today - one step closer to having your room ready! I hope to be able to start (and possibly finish) your crib skirts this weekend, so that when the mattresses arrive, they can go right into your beds!
We are also finalizing all of the plans and guest lists for our baby showers. I can't wait to celebrate your upcoming arrival with all of our closest friends and family. You have no idea how many people are anxiously awaiting your arrival! I know you will grow up knowing all of the love from our family and friends, we just have to try to make sure you don't get too spoiled!
I love you both so much and I know that the next 11 weeks are going to fly by! Please continue to grow big and strong for me and Baby A - you keep doing what you are doing with that heart! I hope that at your next appointment you are given a clean bill of health! Muah!
On Sunday we made a last minute decision to rip out the carpet in our living room. It was installed 6 years ago, and although it was nice carpet when it was installed, it was stained and just looked yucky so out it went! We are now shopping for a nice, soft carpet that we can roll around on with the two of you. :)
Your daddy has also been busy with drywall repairs, building furniture for your nursery, painting and more. I have kept busy painting, figuring out the patterns I want to use for your baby bedding and just trying to put your nursery together in my mind.
I ordered your crib mattresses today - one step closer to having your room ready! I hope to be able to start (and possibly finish) your crib skirts this weekend, so that when the mattresses arrive, they can go right into your beds!
We are also finalizing all of the plans and guest lists for our baby showers. I can't wait to celebrate your upcoming arrival with all of our closest friends and family. You have no idea how many people are anxiously awaiting your arrival! I know you will grow up knowing all of the love from our family and friends, we just have to try to make sure you don't get too spoiled!
I love you both so much and I know that the next 11 weeks are going to fly by! Please continue to grow big and strong for me and Baby A - you keep doing what you are doing with that heart! I hope that at your next appointment you are given a clean bill of health! Muah!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
WONDERFUL news!!!
Well yesterday was the big day - we had a follow up appointment with the Perinatologist and with the Cardiologist. The girls made me SO PROUD!!! Poor Eliza endured two super long ultrasounds, but she was such a champ! I will never be able to thank her for the sacrifices she is making for the health of our babies!
We met with a different Perinatologist yesterday and he had a different idea of what could be going on with the twins. It is his belief that Baby A is taking more blood and nutrients than she needs which is what is causing the extra fluid in her sac. He stated that he is not overly concerned by this because both babies are growing well, gaining weight and appear to be healthy in all other aspects. We all breathed a sigh of relief after meeting with him and although his monotone voice and bland personality was a little hard to read at first, I left there knowing that he really cares about these babies and that Eliza and the girls are in great hands.
After a very brief lunch at Smashburger (first time I had ever been there, and I gotta say...it was pretty fantastic) we went over to meet with the cardiologist. The ultrasound was SO long and the girls were so active that it was hard to get good images at first. Finally the actual cardiologist came in, took some pictures himself and explained what he was seeing.
Here is what he saw: Prayers and positive thinking work!!! He had no explanation for what he saw and appeared to be as perplexed as we all were, but Baby A's heart is looking much better! The thickening he saw on the left ventricle is gone and the leaky valve that he saw before is no longer leaking. She is not completely out of the woods as her right ventricle is still a little sluggish, but he said it did look better than the last time he saw her.
The relief I felt is indescribable! Our little girl is going to be okay! She may need some additional medical intervention after she is born, but the Dr. was very encouraging and told us that he fully expected her to make it to birth and then we would address any heart issues (if any remained).
So as of right now the babies growth will continue to be monitored and if things keep going as planned, the girls will be here the first week of December. It is likely that they will still want the girls delivered here in the valley, but we will just see how they do.
I feel like I can breathe again and I can't thank each and every one of you enough for your positive thoughts and prayers that have been sent for Eliza and the girls!
Although I haven't held either of them yet, my heart is completely theirs and I absolutely can't wait to be their mommy! I am so proud of the fighters they have already proven to be.
Chloe and Araya - I am beyond proud of you - thank you so much for fighting and staying strong! I am so excited to hold you in my arms in a very short 11 weeks. I promise you I will always love you with all of my heart and will be here for you until my last breath. You will never endure any journey in your life alone - daddy and I will always be there fighting right next to you! Continue to grow strong my little loves and I will see you again on the screen very soon! Muah!
We met with a different Perinatologist yesterday and he had a different idea of what could be going on with the twins. It is his belief that Baby A is taking more blood and nutrients than she needs which is what is causing the extra fluid in her sac. He stated that he is not overly concerned by this because both babies are growing well, gaining weight and appear to be healthy in all other aspects. We all breathed a sigh of relief after meeting with him and although his monotone voice and bland personality was a little hard to read at first, I left there knowing that he really cares about these babies and that Eliza and the girls are in great hands.
After a very brief lunch at Smashburger (first time I had ever been there, and I gotta say...it was pretty fantastic) we went over to meet with the cardiologist. The ultrasound was SO long and the girls were so active that it was hard to get good images at first. Finally the actual cardiologist came in, took some pictures himself and explained what he was seeing.
Here is what he saw: Prayers and positive thinking work!!! He had no explanation for what he saw and appeared to be as perplexed as we all were, but Baby A's heart is looking much better! The thickening he saw on the left ventricle is gone and the leaky valve that he saw before is no longer leaking. She is not completely out of the woods as her right ventricle is still a little sluggish, but he said it did look better than the last time he saw her.
The relief I felt is indescribable! Our little girl is going to be okay! She may need some additional medical intervention after she is born, but the Dr. was very encouraging and told us that he fully expected her to make it to birth and then we would address any heart issues (if any remained).
So as of right now the babies growth will continue to be monitored and if things keep going as planned, the girls will be here the first week of December. It is likely that they will still want the girls delivered here in the valley, but we will just see how they do.
I feel like I can breathe again and I can't thank each and every one of you enough for your positive thoughts and prayers that have been sent for Eliza and the girls!
Although I haven't held either of them yet, my heart is completely theirs and I absolutely can't wait to be their mommy! I am so proud of the fighters they have already proven to be.
Chloe and Araya - I am beyond proud of you - thank you so much for fighting and staying strong! I am so excited to hold you in my arms in a very short 11 weeks. I promise you I will always love you with all of my heart and will be here for you until my last breath. You will never endure any journey in your life alone - daddy and I will always be there fighting right next to you! Continue to grow strong my little loves and I will see you again on the screen very soon! Muah!
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Good Update!
Eliza had another ultrasound yesterday (these are going to be the most photographed babies...before AND after birth) and the girls appear to be doing well. Here are the stats:
Baby A: Heart rate was 145 and she weighed 1lb. 5oz.
Baby B: Heart rate was 146 and she weighed 1lb. 3oz.
So we are very happy with their growth and heart rates at this point. Eliza's OB told her that he wants her to deliver here in the Valley which we are grateful for because of the higher level of technology here and also because we have such an amazing support system here. He also said that he did not want her to go past 36/37 weeks - so folks, it looks like if all stays on track we will be having these girls toward the end of November early December! Yikes that is going to sneak up on us fast!
We are very anxious for the appointments with the specialists on Monday and are excited to get more answers!
In the meantime Pace and I are working hard to prepare a beautiful nursery for the girls to come home to! Pace is building a nice little changing station for them and we bought a cute dresser that will fit in their closet yesterday off Craigslist. We will refurnish the dresser and spruce it up to match the decor of their room.
I will take some pictures when we have made a little more progress and post them here for you all to see :)
Baby A: Heart rate was 145 and she weighed 1lb. 5oz.
Baby B: Heart rate was 146 and she weighed 1lb. 3oz.
So we are very happy with their growth and heart rates at this point. Eliza's OB told her that he wants her to deliver here in the Valley which we are grateful for because of the higher level of technology here and also because we have such an amazing support system here. He also said that he did not want her to go past 36/37 weeks - so folks, it looks like if all stays on track we will be having these girls toward the end of November early December! Yikes that is going to sneak up on us fast!
We are very anxious for the appointments with the specialists on Monday and are excited to get more answers!
In the meantime Pace and I are working hard to prepare a beautiful nursery for the girls to come home to! Pace is building a nice little changing station for them and we bought a cute dresser that will fit in their closet yesterday off Craigslist. We will refurnish the dresser and spruce it up to match the decor of their room.
I will take some pictures when we have made a little more progress and post them here for you all to see :)
Monday, September 9, 2013
Roller coaster ascent
I apologize for my absence from writing over the last week. It is always easier to write when things are going well, but it is harder to write when I'm scared. Right now I am scared.
I went to the Dr. with Eliza 2 weeks ago. At that appointment, the Dr. saw some extra amniotic fluid in Baby A's sac. Because of that and because it is a twin pregnancy, he referred us to a Perinatologist here in the Phoenix valley. Three days later we were at the Perinatologists' office and were being told that there is something wrong with the function of Baby A's heart and we were referred to a cardiologist. The following day we were at the cardiologists office being told that the right ventricle is not pumping hard enough and there was some thickening of the heart walls around the left ventricle. The cardiologist said that there was nothing they could do to try to correct the problem and we would just have to monitor the babies very closely and see if the issue gets worse.
I was in such shock and was so scared that I didn't know what questions to ask the Dr., but he just kept saying "I am sorry I don't have better news". I needed time to process the information - it felt like a nightmare and I was fighting back tears.
Right now Eliza is having ultrasounds done every week and we go back to the perinatologist and cardiologist a week from today. I have a list of questions to ask each of them and we are going to do everything we can to ensure that the girls are healthy and are given the best medical care possible.
I will continue to update the blog with the babies conditions and I ask that if you are the praying type, please pray for the health of our babies. Send all of your positive energy and thoughts our way!
Sweet baby girls - We have waited and fought so long for you, please hold on and fight for us. We will do everything we can to give you every chance at life possible, I am just asking you to be strong, to fight and always know that even though you are not growing in my belly - my heart has doubled in size with the love I have for you both.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Beautiful baby girls!!!
Hello girls!
It was so wonderful seeing you yesterday and even better being able to hear your heartbeats! They were by far the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard!
Your birth mom had a Dr. appt. yesterday and she allowed me to come along with her. They did an ultrasound and confirmed that you are both in fact beautiful little girls! You are both growing well and look very happy and healthy. One of you (the Dr.'s call Baby A) already weighs 1 pound and the other (Baby B) weighs in at a close 14 oz. The Dr. was very pleased with where you were on the growth chart and will continue to monitor you closely to make sure everything stays on track.
We are all so excited to meet you two little beauties and hold you in our arms. We know that your birth is going to be so emotional for us all, and we are all anxiously awaiting your arrival.
Keep growing strong and healthy my little girls! I will get to see you again in a few weeks as Eliza is coming down to the Valley to have a level 2 ultrasound done which is just a more thorough ultrasound to make double sure that you are both happy and healthy in there. I am very excited that I won't have to wait very long to see you again and hopefully daddy can come too because he wasn't able to be at the ultrasound yesterday. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he hears your heartbeats for the first time!
We already love you so much Chloe and Araya! I will write more again soon!
It was so wonderful seeing you yesterday and even better being able to hear your heartbeats! They were by far the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard!
Your birth mom had a Dr. appt. yesterday and she allowed me to come along with her. They did an ultrasound and confirmed that you are both in fact beautiful little girls! You are both growing well and look very happy and healthy. One of you (the Dr.'s call Baby A) already weighs 1 pound and the other (Baby B) weighs in at a close 14 oz. The Dr. was very pleased with where you were on the growth chart and will continue to monitor you closely to make sure everything stays on track.
We are all so excited to meet you two little beauties and hold you in our arms. We know that your birth is going to be so emotional for us all, and we are all anxiously awaiting your arrival.
Keep growing strong and healthy my little girls! I will get to see you again in a few weeks as Eliza is coming down to the Valley to have a level 2 ultrasound done which is just a more thorough ultrasound to make double sure that you are both happy and healthy in there. I am very excited that I won't have to wait very long to see you again and hopefully daddy can come too because he wasn't able to be at the ultrasound yesterday. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he hears your heartbeats for the first time!
We already love you so much Chloe and Araya! I will write more again soon!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
The Nursery
Pace was in town for the weekend, so we were very busy! We finished our gift registry, cleared out the guest bedroom and built the cribs! We are trying to get as much done as possible while he is here, because we don't really know what his work schedule is going to be like for the fall. We are both tired of him working in NJ. It is so far away from home! I felt kind of bad keeping him so busy over the weekend, but he was such a good sport! He likes to stay busy and he already likes to do things for the girls even though they haven't been born yet. It was a proud moment seeing the cribs he built all set up!
It is so surreal looking into that room now. I catch myself just daydreaming about walking in to get the girls out of their cribs in the morning and my heart skips a beat. I am so beyond thrilled and excited! There just aren't words to describe how Pace and I feel. Our joy is overwhelming!
Today Eliza is 21 weeks along - we are well over half way there and I am very excited about seeing her next Monday and going to the Dr. appointment with her. I have so many questions and I am hoping to get some good answers and feedback from the Dr. I am so grateful to her for allowing us to be as much a part of the pregnancy as possible. She truly is an amazing human being!
We got our first "baby" gift from my friend Debi on Sunday! She bought 2 adorable little outfits. They are long sleeve shirts, one zebra print and one leopard print with little tights to go with them. The girls are going to look adorable in them!
It is so surreal looking into that room now. I catch myself just daydreaming about walking in to get the girls out of their cribs in the morning and my heart skips a beat. I am so beyond thrilled and excited! There just aren't words to describe how Pace and I feel. Our joy is overwhelming!
Today Eliza is 21 weeks along - we are well over half way there and I am very excited about seeing her next Monday and going to the Dr. appointment with her. I have so many questions and I am hoping to get some good answers and feedback from the Dr. I am so grateful to her for allowing us to be as much a part of the pregnancy as possible. She truly is an amazing human being!
We got our first "baby" gift from my friend Debi on Sunday! She bought 2 adorable little outfits. They are long sleeve shirts, one zebra print and one leopard print with little tights to go with them. The girls are going to look adorable in them!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Birth Mother love
Good morning Chloe and Araya!!!
I am getting so excited to see you again in a week and a half! Eliza tells me that she can feel you two move all of the time! It is amazing to think how active you are already! Soon you will be big enough for me to feel your kicks from the outside!
I want to share a picture that your birth mom made this morning. I think it is just beautiful (especially since the two of you are on it). It is also a beautiful token of how much she loves the two of you. This decision has been extremely difficult for her and I want you to always remember that this decision was made out of love for the two of you, and your big brother. I am so grateful that we have a close relationship with Eliza and your big brother, so you will always know them and have a relationship with them. I want that for both of you!
Here it is :)
There you are my little beauties!!!
I already love you so much sometimes I just tear up thinking about you and how you are going to be changing our lives for the better in a few short months!
I am getting so excited to see you again in a week and a half! Eliza tells me that she can feel you two move all of the time! It is amazing to think how active you are already! Soon you will be big enough for me to feel your kicks from the outside!
I want to share a picture that your birth mom made this morning. I think it is just beautiful (especially since the two of you are on it). It is also a beautiful token of how much she loves the two of you. This decision has been extremely difficult for her and I want you to always remember that this decision was made out of love for the two of you, and your big brother. I am so grateful that we have a close relationship with Eliza and your big brother, so you will always know them and have a relationship with them. I want that for both of you!
Here it is :)
There you are my little beauties!!!
I already love you so much sometimes I just tear up thinking about you and how you are going to be changing our lives for the better in a few short months!
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
We have names!!!
Picking names for the little girls was a bit harder than I expected. Pace, Eliza and I had decided early on that we would all collaborate together to name the girls and the first name came really quickly. We went back and forth on the middle name and then the second name took more time.
Well...yesterday, the three of us agreed on the two most beautiful names.
Chloe Elizabeth and Araya Mae Clinger!
Having names for the girls has made it so much more real to me. I can see their names in decorated wooden letters over their cribs and I find their names constantly swirling through my mind. I am so grateful that Eliza allowed Pace and I to be a part of the naming process - it was very important to us and meant so much.
As I move through my day, I often find myself thinking "when the girls are here...where am I going to put them while I do dishes, shower, vacuum, do yardwork?" and then my tummy gets the flutters. We will definitely have some adjustments to make after the girls are here, and they are adjustments we have been ready and prepared to make for years!
The joy in my heart when I think about the girls being home with us is immeasurable.
Well...yesterday, the three of us agreed on the two most beautiful names.
Chloe Elizabeth and Araya Mae Clinger!
Having names for the girls has made it so much more real to me. I can see their names in decorated wooden letters over their cribs and I find their names constantly swirling through my mind. I am so grateful that Eliza allowed Pace and I to be a part of the naming process - it was very important to us and meant so much.
As I move through my day, I often find myself thinking "when the girls are here...where am I going to put them while I do dishes, shower, vacuum, do yardwork?" and then my tummy gets the flutters. We will definitely have some adjustments to make after the girls are here, and they are adjustments we have been ready and prepared to make for years!
The joy in my heart when I think about the girls being home with us is immeasurable.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Slowly preparing
Another weekend has past, and tomorrow Eliza will be 20 weeks - we are officially over half way there! After doing some research and talking to a labor and delivery nurse friend of mine, I have discovered that twins are considered full term at 36 weeks...not 40, so the girls very well may be here in late November, early December!!! That is fine with me - the earlier the better and I am sure Eliza feels the same way!
The cribs are here...lets look at that again. I have TWO CRIBS in my house. It feels so unreal. Granted they are still in their unopened boxes, but they are at least under our roof! Pace's little sister, Emily and I did some shopping over the weekend for the girls and found some very cute outfits. I know I shouldn't be buying clothes, because we will get so many clothes at the shower, but I just couldn't resist. I have been waiting for 8 and a half years to shop for baby clothes for us. Although after this weekend I have determined that I will not buy any more clothes...diapers yes, but no clothes! LOL
I tried and tried to upload a photo of my favorite outfit I bought the girls this weekend, but it kept crashing my pc, so I guess it will just have to remain a surprise :)
I also ordered the fabric for the nursery this weekend. I have searched and searched for bedding that I liked, and just haven't been able to find it, so when I found this fabric, I knew I had to make my own bedding! Thankfully I have a very close friend that is going to make the two rag quilts for the girls (I will help some) so really all I will need to worry about is the bed skirt, curtains etc. I have decided against a bumper at this time - I know they are very controversial and honestly, I just don't want to invest the time in something that may cause me to worry every night the girls go to sleep.
Here is a photo of the fabric we picked out!
I absolutely LOVE this fabric! It has bright, vibrant colors but isn't too froo froo girly girl. Pace will still feel like he has SOME masculinity when he walks into the nursery lol.
I am so excited to see the girls again on the 26th! After Eliza was here a couple weekends ago, and I got to see the girls on ultrasound, it was so weird watching her leave knowing that the babies were still inside her. It was weird for me to think that the girls were going to be so far away from me. I already feel such a close bond to them and love them as if they were growing in my own womb. There are still plenty of risks and hurdles to clear, but I am remaining positive that by the end of the year, the girls will be home with Pace and I and our family journey will finally have come to an end!
The cribs are here...lets look at that again. I have TWO CRIBS in my house. It feels so unreal. Granted they are still in their unopened boxes, but they are at least under our roof! Pace's little sister, Emily and I did some shopping over the weekend for the girls and found some very cute outfits. I know I shouldn't be buying clothes, because we will get so many clothes at the shower, but I just couldn't resist. I have been waiting for 8 and a half years to shop for baby clothes for us. Although after this weekend I have determined that I will not buy any more clothes...diapers yes, but no clothes! LOL
I tried and tried to upload a photo of my favorite outfit I bought the girls this weekend, but it kept crashing my pc, so I guess it will just have to remain a surprise :)
I also ordered the fabric for the nursery this weekend. I have searched and searched for bedding that I liked, and just haven't been able to find it, so when I found this fabric, I knew I had to make my own bedding! Thankfully I have a very close friend that is going to make the two rag quilts for the girls (I will help some) so really all I will need to worry about is the bed skirt, curtains etc. I have decided against a bumper at this time - I know they are very controversial and honestly, I just don't want to invest the time in something that may cause me to worry every night the girls go to sleep.
Here is a photo of the fabric we picked out!
I absolutely LOVE this fabric! It has bright, vibrant colors but isn't too froo froo girly girl. Pace will still feel like he has SOME masculinity when he walks into the nursery lol.
I am so excited to see the girls again on the 26th! After Eliza was here a couple weekends ago, and I got to see the girls on ultrasound, it was so weird watching her leave knowing that the babies were still inside her. It was weird for me to think that the girls were going to be so far away from me. I already feel such a close bond to them and love them as if they were growing in my own womb. There are still plenty of risks and hurdles to clear, but I am remaining positive that by the end of the year, the girls will be home with Pace and I and our family journey will finally have come to an end!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Beautiful Progress
We had a very BIG weekend!!! Eliza has come to stay with us for the weekend and we had so much fun! Since Pace was in town for the weekend, we decided it would be fun to make an appointment at Stork Vision so we could try to find out what the sex of the babies are. Stork Vision is a beautiful little office, very cozy and the worker there - Jill was so loving and comforting during the entire process.
The ultrasound has revealed with 99% certainty that we will be having two beautiful little girls!!! It was so amazing to see them and with the 3D and 4D ultrasound we could watch them move around and see such clear details of their faces. I did the huge ugly cry that I just couldn't stop.
Although this is not what I had envisioned when I thought about Pace and I finding out the gender of our future child(ren)...another woman lying on the table with her swollen belly exposed, it was still an amazing experience. It is very surreal and at times hard to imagine that this will all actually happen.
Sunday morning we went shopping and got Eliza some maternity clothes. It was a little sad for me purchasing maternity clothes for another woman. The maternity section of stores is one that I avoid at all costs, so actively looking through the clothes and picking things out was a little tough. Then we moved over to the other section of the store that I swear triggers PTSD...the baby section. We searched through all of the clothes and found two adorable sets of onsies and matching tights and coordinating headbands. One purple and one pink. They are the most adorable outfits I have ever seen.
We ordered the cribs for the nursery today. It was a huge leap of faith that this will all work out. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a minor panic attack before completing the purchase. This journey is just so emotional and such a stretch of faith for everyone involved.
I believe that I may just age 10 years over the next 5 months.
The ultrasound has revealed with 99% certainty that we will be having two beautiful little girls!!! It was so amazing to see them and with the 3D and 4D ultrasound we could watch them move around and see such clear details of their faces. I did the huge ugly cry that I just couldn't stop.
Although this is not what I had envisioned when I thought about Pace and I finding out the gender of our future child(ren)...another woman lying on the table with her swollen belly exposed, it was still an amazing experience. It is very surreal and at times hard to imagine that this will all actually happen.
Sunday morning we went shopping and got Eliza some maternity clothes. It was a little sad for me purchasing maternity clothes for another woman. The maternity section of stores is one that I avoid at all costs, so actively looking through the clothes and picking things out was a little tough. Then we moved over to the other section of the store that I swear triggers PTSD...the baby section. We searched through all of the clothes and found two adorable sets of onsies and matching tights and coordinating headbands. One purple and one pink. They are the most adorable outfits I have ever seen.
We ordered the cribs for the nursery today. It was a huge leap of faith that this will all work out. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a minor panic attack before completing the purchase. This journey is just so emotional and such a stretch of faith for everyone involved.
I believe that I may just age 10 years over the next 5 months.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
House Preparation
Our home inspection is on Friday. This is one of the very last pieces to our certification puzzle and I am SO excited to get the certification complete!
Pace is working in New Jersey right now, so I have had full control of the cleaning, de-cluttering and organizing of the house. It has been a lot of work, but it has also been fun. It is amazing how therapeutic throwing shit away can be! From here on out I make 2 vows to myself.
1. You are NOT allowed to keep empty boxes...ever!
2. You are ONLY allowed to keep cards for sentimental reasons. there is no excuse for having 2 boxes full of cards from the last 10 years of your life. It just isn't necessary.
Eliza and her son are coming to stay with us for the weekend and I am so freaking excited!!! She and I have continued to communicate on a daily basis and it is really so much fun getting to know her. I am so glad today is the last day of July...we get to start a new month and we are moving closer to finding out what sex the babies are!
I have narrowed the crib selection down to 2 and will let Pace make the final decision on them when he is home this weekend so we can get those ordered. I absolutely can't wait until I can start designing and decorating the babies room...
Shit...just saying that makes me want to throw up...I can't believe this may actually be happening
Pace is working in New Jersey right now, so I have had full control of the cleaning, de-cluttering and organizing of the house. It has been a lot of work, but it has also been fun. It is amazing how therapeutic throwing shit away can be! From here on out I make 2 vows to myself.
1. You are NOT allowed to keep empty boxes...ever!
2. You are ONLY allowed to keep cards for sentimental reasons. there is no excuse for having 2 boxes full of cards from the last 10 years of your life. It just isn't necessary.
Eliza and her son are coming to stay with us for the weekend and I am so freaking excited!!! She and I have continued to communicate on a daily basis and it is really so much fun getting to know her. I am so glad today is the last day of July...we get to start a new month and we are moving closer to finding out what sex the babies are!
I have narrowed the crib selection down to 2 and will let Pace make the final decision on them when he is home this weekend so we can get those ordered. I absolutely can't wait until I can start designing and decorating the babies room...
Shit...just saying that makes me want to throw up...I can't believe this may actually be happening
Monday, July 29, 2013
Dear babies,
Wow - my first letter to you and there is so much to catch up on! We first learned about you on June 2nd - almost 2 months ago and I can't believe how much we love you already! We have told our families and many of our friends about your upcoming arrival and everyone is SO EXCITED! We have been waiting for you for a very long time, and we are so happy you get to be a part of our family!
I want you to know how amazing your birth mom is. Not just because she brought you into our lives, but because she is so warm, loving, strong and resilient. I feel like she and your big brother are already family to me. Your birth mom and I have grown very close and I look forward to growing even closer to her throughout your lives. She truly loves you both more than anyone could ever imagine, and because of this love, she gave you a very large extended family to love, nurture and protect you!
Your daddy and I have endured a very long journey to find you two. It was a very difficult journey with a lot of heartache and we are so ready for that journey to end with the two of you in our arms. It is a little hard to believe that you may be here before Christmas this year! What an amazing and special Christmas it will be!
Your birth mom and your big brother are going to come for a visit at our house this weekend. We are so excited to be able to show them where you will be growing up! We will show them our neighborhood and hopefully they can meet some of our friends and family as well. We will definitely be making some time to swim as your brother has never swam before - I hope he likes the water!
I was visiting with two of my girlfriends this weekend and they were giving me lots of good tips on how to prepare for your arrival. The first thing they told me was to start buying diapers now. I was a little hesitant, I mean we still have 5 months to go, but they promised I would thank them in the end. I bought a package of newborn swaddlers yesterday and I have to admit, I cried. My heart already feels so peaceful knowing that you are going to be joining our family in five short months, that I just get overwhelmed with emotion.
I get to go to your birth mom's next dr. appointment, and I am so excited because that is when we get to find out if you are little boys, little girls, or one of each! We are SO excited so make sure you are cooperative at the ultrasound okay?
Well little babies, that is all I have for the moment. Keep growing strong and healthy, I will write more soon and will see you on the screen in less than a month!
Wow - my first letter to you and there is so much to catch up on! We first learned about you on June 2nd - almost 2 months ago and I can't believe how much we love you already! We have told our families and many of our friends about your upcoming arrival and everyone is SO EXCITED! We have been waiting for you for a very long time, and we are so happy you get to be a part of our family!
I want you to know how amazing your birth mom is. Not just because she brought you into our lives, but because she is so warm, loving, strong and resilient. I feel like she and your big brother are already family to me. Your birth mom and I have grown very close and I look forward to growing even closer to her throughout your lives. She truly loves you both more than anyone could ever imagine, and because of this love, she gave you a very large extended family to love, nurture and protect you!
Your daddy and I have endured a very long journey to find you two. It was a very difficult journey with a lot of heartache and we are so ready for that journey to end with the two of you in our arms. It is a little hard to believe that you may be here before Christmas this year! What an amazing and special Christmas it will be!
Your birth mom and your big brother are going to come for a visit at our house this weekend. We are so excited to be able to show them where you will be growing up! We will show them our neighborhood and hopefully they can meet some of our friends and family as well. We will definitely be making some time to swim as your brother has never swam before - I hope he likes the water!
I was visiting with two of my girlfriends this weekend and they were giving me lots of good tips on how to prepare for your arrival. The first thing they told me was to start buying diapers now. I was a little hesitant, I mean we still have 5 months to go, but they promised I would thank them in the end. I bought a package of newborn swaddlers yesterday and I have to admit, I cried. My heart already feels so peaceful knowing that you are going to be joining our family in five short months, that I just get overwhelmed with emotion.
I get to go to your birth mom's next dr. appointment, and I am so excited because that is when we get to find out if you are little boys, little girls, or one of each! We are SO excited so make sure you are cooperative at the ultrasound okay?
Well little babies, that is all I have for the moment. Keep growing strong and healthy, I will write more soon and will see you on the screen in less than a month!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Beginning of a new Journey
June 1st, 2013 I was co-hosting a baby shower for a friend when another friend approached me and asked if Pace and I were open to doing a private infant adoption. My first reaction was "no". My wounds from our last failed match hadn't healed yet and I wasn't sure I could go through all of that again. After a few minutes, I told my friend that I would talk to Pace and get back to her. This started our journey towards adopting twins and was the cause for the creation of this blog.
I felt the need to journal my thoughts during this time. I wanted a place I could write messages to the babies, I wanted a place to track our thoughts and the processes during this time. I don't want to forget any of it - I want to be able to have as thorough a story as possible to tell the babies when they are old enough.
For right now details in regards to the birth mom will be limited and a pseudo name will be used for her. Although we are planning a completely open adoption, I want to protect her and her privacy right now.
July 13th, we scheduled a meeting with "Eliza" and her son and immediately hit it off. She lives in AZ in a town that we love to vacation in, so it worked out quite well. We visited during lunch and then left leaving the invitation open to meet up with her again for dinner or breakfast the next morning. She sent me a series of text messages shortly thereafter letting me know that she had decided to proceed with Pace and I and that she had chosen us to adopt her twin babies.
Obviously my emotions were all over the place. She was only 14 weeks along, we had a long way to go, I tried not to get my hopes up, tried to remain calm, but none of that worked.
We met up with Eliza, her son and her little sister that evening for dinner. We were staying with friends of ours, so she came over to where we were staying, we grilled, visited and started planning the big extended family we were creating. We visited until about 9:30 pm when they headed off to put her son to sleep and the most amazing journey of my life began.
She and I talk, text, message etc. every day. She is currently 17 weeks and 2 days pregnant with fraternal twins. We do not know the sex of the babies yet and won't until August 26th of next month.
She is going to come to our house and stay for the weekend next weekend and I am so excited to show her where we live, to go swimming and shopping with her. I am amazed by her strength, saddened by her pain and forever in awe at her selflessness.
Friends and supporters - please keep Eliza in your thoughts. She is going through so much right now and any positive thoughts you could send her way would mean so much to me!
Dear Babies: "Although we have yet to meet, I promise to love you unconditionally, to celebrate your gifts, and to nurture your character and spirit. I offer these words that you might glimpse a world that was showered with love, commitment, and anticipation long before you arrived as a miracle in my life."
I felt the need to journal my thoughts during this time. I wanted a place I could write messages to the babies, I wanted a place to track our thoughts and the processes during this time. I don't want to forget any of it - I want to be able to have as thorough a story as possible to tell the babies when they are old enough.
For right now details in regards to the birth mom will be limited and a pseudo name will be used for her. Although we are planning a completely open adoption, I want to protect her and her privacy right now.
July 13th, we scheduled a meeting with "Eliza" and her son and immediately hit it off. She lives in AZ in a town that we love to vacation in, so it worked out quite well. We visited during lunch and then left leaving the invitation open to meet up with her again for dinner or breakfast the next morning. She sent me a series of text messages shortly thereafter letting me know that she had decided to proceed with Pace and I and that she had chosen us to adopt her twin babies.
Obviously my emotions were all over the place. She was only 14 weeks along, we had a long way to go, I tried not to get my hopes up, tried to remain calm, but none of that worked.
We met up with Eliza, her son and her little sister that evening for dinner. We were staying with friends of ours, so she came over to where we were staying, we grilled, visited and started planning the big extended family we were creating. We visited until about 9:30 pm when they headed off to put her son to sleep and the most amazing journey of my life began.
She and I talk, text, message etc. every day. She is currently 17 weeks and 2 days pregnant with fraternal twins. We do not know the sex of the babies yet and won't until August 26th of next month.
She is going to come to our house and stay for the weekend next weekend and I am so excited to show her where we live, to go swimming and shopping with her. I am amazed by her strength, saddened by her pain and forever in awe at her selflessness.
Friends and supporters - please keep Eliza in your thoughts. She is going through so much right now and any positive thoughts you could send her way would mean so much to me!
Dear Babies: "Although we have yet to meet, I promise to love you unconditionally, to celebrate your gifts, and to nurture your character and spirit. I offer these words that you might glimpse a world that was showered with love, commitment, and anticipation long before you arrived as a miracle in my life."
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